We put our hope in a lot of things everyday. Have you noticed that?
Growing up, we hoped our parents would take us out to eat for dinner, buy us that new toy, or let us play instead of finishing our homework. When we realized that was not going to happen, we often threw a fit or became sullen the rest of the day. We allowed our unmet hopes for things we did not have the authority to determine ruin our day.
I was thinking the other day about that time I wanted an electric scooter as a nine year old. I already had a regular, manual scooter that worked just fine. But the electric scooter was new, and two of my friends down the street had each gotten their own, even though they also already had regular scooters. So, though my parents practically said no to more than 80% of the things I asked for, I figured I would take a chance and ask them for an electric scooter.
What's interesting though is that I allowed my hope in a chance to become an expectation for a set outcome. I didn't realize this though until my parents gave me a firm "no" and I spent an entire afternoon crying my eyes out to my dad while I begged and pleaded for that electric scooter with the two reasons I could think of why I needed it. I wanted it because it was new and fun, and my friends had one. Why shouldn't I?
You see, I knew that it was a long shot I would get that scooter, but as soon as I got my hopes up, imagining that glorious moment when my parents would say, "Yes! Absolutely. Let's go get you that new electric scooter right now!" my hope was no longer just a hope. It was an expectation, and that was proved as soon as I spent hours begging my parents to see the light and realize their decision was misguided and misinformed. It had to be! After all, I had hoped and expected for them to say yes!
You see what I mean?
As adults, unfortunately, we haven't learned. We still allow our hope for things we do not have control or authority over become set expectations in our hearts and minds.
There's a new position for leadership available at the company you have been working at for years, and you hope they will only consider you as the possible choice. You see the new model of the car you have had your eye on, and you hope that your spouse will agree it's time to buy it for your family. You hope that the new guy or new girl at church will come over and want to start a relationship with you sooner rather than later. That person in your family has just had a baby, and you hope that it will be your turn within the next few months.
What happens when these things do not come to pass as we had hoped?
Your company hires an outside person and never explains why they didn't even consider you. Your spouse says there's just not enough money to spend on a new car. That new guy or girl never talks to you, and it's been over a month. It's been three years, and you and your spouse have still not gotten pregnant.
What do we do when our hopes that rooted in our hearts to form expectations are crushed and uprooted?
In all honesty, in my own life I've seen my unmet expectations produce bitter fruit in my heart. And sometimes, there is a tendency to want to rush ahead of the Lord and make expectations become a reality in my own strength, even though that's impossible. Though I could be wrong, I think this is a common thing for everyone. Yes, we handle our disappointment a lot better than we did as kids (most of the time), as in we don't run around screaming and crying, but we can still fall into frustration, complaining, or disappointment.
We are human, that is true, and we are probably never going to respond with humility, understanding, and grace every single time something doesn't go our way. But it is what we do with our hard emotions that really matters. Are we taking our anger, disappointment, and frustration to the Lord, asking Him to help us understand and be content with what He has already given us? Or are we instead allowing our feelings to fester, build, and ooze out wrath in every area of our lives? It is natural for our unmet expectations to produce disappointment, but it is not okay for us to hold onto it as a weapon, a tool, or an excuse to hide away from the Lord and His commandments to be thankful, content, and close to His heart.
When David sinned with Bathsheba, they became pregnant and had a baby. And when Nathan the prophet called him out for his sin in 2 Samuel 12, he told David that God had revealed to him that the baby would die as a result of their adultery.
The scriptures say that "David prayed to God for the baby. David fasted and went into his house and stayed there, lying on the ground all night. The elders of David’s family came to him and tried to pull him up from the ground, but he refused to get up or to eat food with them" (2 Samuel 12: 16-17).
David obviously hoped that God would change His decision and spare his child from the consequences of his own sin. But, in God's perfect sovereignty, the baby died.
And this was David's response:
Then David got up from the floor, washed himself, put lotions on, and changed his clothes. Then he went into the Lord’s house to worship. After that, he went home and asked for something to eat. His servants gave him some food, and he ate. David’s servants said to him, "Why are you doing this? When the baby was still alive, you fasted and you cried. Now that the baby is dead, you get up and eat food." David said, "While the baby was still alive, I fasted, and I cried. I thought, ‘Who knows? Maybe the Lord will feel sorry for me and let the baby live.’ But now that the baby is dead, why should I fast? I can’t bring him back to life. Someday I will go to him, but he cannot come back to me.” (2 Samuel 12: 20-23, my emphasis)
David realized a very important truth. His emotions and actions could not change what God had already determined. And he worshipped God despite the pain of losing the son he had hoped would live. Does this mean we stay silent and still, never doing anything since God will do what God will do? Absolutely not! He has still called us to pray, to sing, to serve, to love, and to go and disciple others. But like David, we must also understand that when our hopes and expectations do not come to pass, that does not give us the right to slander God, complain, or fall into despair.
If things did not happen as my expectations told me they would, and if I believe that God is sovereign and His plan is good, then I must also believe and trust that there is a reason my hopes that formed expectations were not met. Though as a child I spent a whole afternoon trying to persuade my parents their decision to not give me the electric scooter I wanted was the wrong decision, I should not try to prove to God that my plans were the right ones and God has messed it up. Essentially, that is what we are saying when we try to supersede what has come to pass in our lives, force the things we wanted for our lives to happen, and even when we simply allow our disappointment to turn into discontentment.
Recently, I have had a few of my hopes and expectations crushed. I had dreams for my life that have not come to pass, and it has been a challenge to be content.
All that to say, I am learning these truths in my life right now. It can be so easy for me to allow my disappointment to give me an excuse for apathy, anger, and the right to grumble.
But I want to learn to do as the Lord commands:
Do everything without complaining or arguing (Philippians 2: 14).
Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13: 5).
Always give thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 5: 20).
And I especially want to believe deep in my heart that God has a better plan. It might not look better in my eyes, and it might even be painful, but it will be what God has put into place for my life. Who am I going to trust has the better plan? The Creator of the entire universe who holds all authority, dominion, and power for all things in His hands, who lives and knows what will happen for all eternity, and who also died to bring me eternal life?
Or me, who has lived for a few decades and has no clue what the future holds, much less what is even going to happen the next second of the day?
Yeah, I think I'll choose God's plan over mine.
So, when we are tempted to allow our hearts to be calloused towards God, depressed, and frustrated that things didn't go the way we hoped, here is a verse to remember.
Why am I so sad?
Why am I so upset?
I should put my hope in God
and keep praising him,
my Savior and my God.
(Psalm 42:5)
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